i feel like death. i seriously need to stop drinking so much.

i finished my prac on thursday. no more driving for three hours per day ever again. it was killing me. and i am so relieved to be just a student again. no more of this student/teacher stuff for a while. then again i have three assignments due tomorrow and i have started them all but nowhere near finished. hopefully i'll be able to wake up enough to attempt to finish them. notice the word 'attempt'. the fact that i am writing here instead of doing my work is a bad sign.

friday i went to dinner and a show with AA. we saw a local production of joseph and his amazing technicolour dream coat. it was decent. not great but the guy who played joseph was awesome. after that AA wanted to go home but i convinced her to stay out to have a drink with me. well one drink turned into a massive bender and we stumbled back home as the sun was coming up. it was fun.

last night (saturday) most people in our house headed into melbourne for a housemate's birthday party. it was at this little club right in the middle of melbourne... it was pretty good. like i mentioned in my last entry i was thinking about meeting rockstarboy. i did. and it wasn't as weird as i thought it would be. i left the party at around one and met rockstarboy at a little bar and we just talked and talked and talked. if he wasn't sporting a huge unkempt beard i may have been really attracted to him. he did cry a little during our conversation but he's an emotional guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, so i wouldn't have expected anything else. we just sat at the bar and drank, smoked and talked. we left there around 6:30 and caught a cab back to his house.

i had never been to his house before. i'm hoping i'll never go again. it was disgusting. thick dust everywhere, the whole place smelt of cigarettes and stale beer, dirty dishes in every room (even the bathroom!), i'm no neat freak but i'm clean. i don't care about things lying around but it's all gotta be clean. i dreaded the thought of having to sleep on the couch. he offered me his bed but his room smelt worse than the rest of the house combined. we ended up sleeping on the couch together. we were watching tv and kinda just fell asleep next to eachother. it was alright. he put his arms around me but nothing more. i think he was too nervous to try anything. this was the first time in almost seven years that the two of us were alone. i mean he talks all this shit to me but i don't think he ever thought i would be sleeping next him. every now and then he would kinda move and end up a bit closer but apart from him trying to inconspicuously try to cop a feel there was nothing. i wasn't reciprocating anything. i just wanted to sleep. we probably only slept for a couple of hours then we talked some more and i had to catch a train at midday to come back here and get some work done.

nothing has been done. i am so tired. i feel sick.

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