i feel like death. gin will be the end of me. i need to grow up and stop this shit. it's not healthy. and with my track record of medical conditions i probably shouldn't drink at all, let alone go on benders like i do. i wasn't even having fun last night. i went out with a bunch of people last night one by one they all left and from maybe 2:30 to 5:00 (when the bar shut) this morning i was sitting at a bar by myself just drinking myself into oblivion. why? i have no idea. i should have gone home with my friends but i didn't.

new topic.

rockstarboy. for reasons unknown i have been making plans to see him next weekend. i know he's mentally unstable. i know he's a prick. i know that he's a drunk. i know that i'm entering into dangerous territory. i should not even be thinking about going there... but i am. it's weird. am i lonely? am i desperate? am i insane? maybe i'm all three. i don't know. he'll probably freak out and go all nutjob on me. which is probably for the best in the long term. i think my brain's become mush from all the binge drinking.

and on a happier note, only five more days until i finish teaching rounds and then i'm back to being a lazy ass student again. yay, i can't wait!

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