i'm too tired to write this but if i don't do it now it won't ever get written.

last night i had a surprisingly good night out with C and his 'girlfriend' and a few other mutual friends. she really is lovely. i couldn't help but like her seeing as she just kept on complimenting me on everything from my dress, my nailpolish, my teeth, to my eyebrows. weird huh? i think she's in love with me... she's just using C to get to me. anyway i had a decent time. only when i was driving home alone did i stop to think about it and then i wasn't so happy.

i got home and emailed him straight away. i told him that his girlfriend is really nice and they seem to get along really well and to be nice to her.

i wake up this morning with ample time to get ready for work and i just start thinking about it all. the whole fucked up situation. and i decide that i need to talk to C. i'm not expecting anything from him i just need to get all this shit off my chest so that i can start to get on with my life... i've been the cool calm and collected ex for too long, i need to release what i've been hiding. so i text him 'we need to talk sometime' and this was like nine in the morning and we'd been out 'til six so i figured he wouldn't be awake to call me back. not even ten seconds later C's calling me. well i wasn't prepared to talk to him so soon. long story short... i basically said that i can't hang out with him and his girlfriend... and that perhaps we should give up trying to be friends. there was a few other things but it was all bad. i started off composed and half way through just lost it completely then towards the end i had just managed to pull myself together. not what i had planned. guys don't respond well to crying. i think it was because i'm dead tired and had no energy to keep up the charade. so he tells me that this isn't something we shoud discuss over the phone and that we'll catch up sometime during the week to talk face to face. he'll have to call me because i'm not calling him. i've made a complete dick of myself two weeks in a row and i'm in no hurry to repeat it.

but now that it's all out there, i feel slightly better.

and there were some definite highlights last night that include L and a couple of other guys but i'll save that for tomorrow after i've had a good nights sleep.

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