C's doing my head in. but that's nothing new. i don't want to elaborate.

in my last entry i mentioned that saturday night wasn't a total disaster. mainly because of L. he's such a great guy. seeing him again reminded me why i used to have a huge crush on him. it seems that i still do. but it's not going to happen. he's got a kinda girlfriend and i'm C's ex. i have to say that C's mates are all really loyal to him. which is good for him but bad for me.

anyway... L. around half an hour after we got to the bar, i noticed that C's girlfriend was looking in my direction and the previous week C had told me that she wanted to meet me so i thought that she might be thinking about approaching me. L all of a sudden notices that i've finished my beer and asks me if i want to go for a walk. of course i said yes. as soon as we step outside of the bar he asks me about still being friends with C. and goes on to say that he could never do it. blah blah blah. and then i mentioned that i wasn't fine with the whole being in the same room as C and his girlfriend and that i didn't want to meet her. L tells me that's why he asked me if i wanted to go for a walk, so i didn't have to face that. he's so sweet. damn you L's sorta girlfriend, damn you C for having really nice and loyal friends. it's frustrating. of course as soon as we got back C's girlfriend was in my face introducing herself to me. but life goes on.

that seems to be my mantra these days. life goes on. i must admit that sometimes i do wonder why it goes on. i guess it goes on because i don't want to die right now. things just aren't that bad.

speaking of wanting to die. rockstarboy. he told me last week that he's gonna kill himself on the first of january. i can't deal with him anymore.

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