had a decent talk with rockstarboy last night. he got a job. his stock has risen greatly. nah not really. he seems to be off the whole 'you're my soulmate' thing. missed the boat on that one... thank god.

he was telling me about his new musical endeavour. about how it's helping him get all his pain and anger out about his last girlfriend breaking up with him. he's so intense and overly sensitive.

i found this quote by i forget the name, about break-ups. and i like it.

"pain is inevitable. suffering is optional"

rockstarboy chooses to suffer. he says it makes him a better artist/musician. maybe that's true. but i've spent the past year suffering for what? finding that quote was like a turning point for me. sure it doesn't mean that my feelings have changed for C, but i now realise that it's been in my hands to change the dynamic between C and i and all this time i've chosen to be the... i can't even think of what i've been. a fuckbuddy, a last resort, an ex-girlfriend who can't move on.

well it's all gonna change...

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