why do i have to spend my friday night at home? well i guess i don't have to... i could go out alone. but i don't want to. there's still plenty of time to make plans. although i'm fooling myself thinking that anything will come up. i only know two people who would actually go out with me and they're more saturday night people. they're S and C.

and i don't want to call C. i'm trying to give him the impression that i have a social life. a while ago i was thinking about 'talking' to him. i've decided that's not the way to go. i'm gonna try to put some distance between us. things were getting a little too close. and while this was what i had been hoping for it didn't really go to plan. i mean it's like that saying 'why buy the milk when you can have the cow for free'. we hang out and have a good time together, it's quite obvious that we both still care for each other, we shag every now and then. so he gets all of this without being in an actual relationship with me, the only thing that would be different if we were together is that there would be way more sex.

so i'm going to stay away. well, as much as i can. i mean i'm not going to say no if he or S invite me over, i'm just not going to instigate anything.

so my social life might die. then again it might not. i started a new job last week and i'm hoping that will open up some new social avenues. but you know what, i'm happy with the friends i have. if J were here and not on the other side of the world i wouldn't be writing this. i just need one person to go out and get liquored up with. that's not too much to ask is it?

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