last night i was supposed to have my date with destiny. i swiftly kicked destiny in the balls and ran the other way.

translation? i was supposed to go see rockstarboy last night but i didn't. i lied and said my dad's mum went into hospital and i had to go see her and couldn't make it. my grandmother on my father's side died seven years ago in scotland where she lived all her life. but these are just insignificant details.

i don't need to get into anything right now. everything always seems to get so heavy when i'm with rockstarboy. he's not the type for light hearted fun and shenannigans. and that's what i need.

and i knew if i showed up last night he would have taken that as a sign that i was interested in something more than just hanging out. and knowing me... after a few cocktails... who knows what may have happened. i shudder to think.

god this is so weird. probably around seven, eight years ago i would have jumped at the chance to be with rockstarboy. i have journals full of my writings about my unrequited (sometimes requited) lust for him. but in my defence, eight years ago he was seriously hot. years of depression, unemployment, binge drinking, chain smoking, insomnia and poor hygiene have left him a tad less than desirable.

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