ok so i decided i needed to move on from C. i have decided that he is a dick, and i deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me. i am quite happy with this.

what i'm not happy about is the fact that last night i was at home, online and chatting to rockstarboy. i know that he should not be my rebound guy. he should not be my anything guy, i sometimes wonder why i bother being his friend. i know all of this and yet it's a definite possibility.

someone, anyone, please tell me not to go there.

i spoke to J about it and she just giggled like a school girl and told me that we made a cute couple. ugh! not what i wanted to hear. he is mentally unstable, moody, unemployed has less than adequate standards of hygiene and at the moment is sporting a god awful beard. i can't stand facial hair.

and why am i thinking about going there? because he's around. it's not like i've got men lined up waiting for me. and there's that underlying rivalry between rockstarboy and C for my affection. it would definitely hurt C. yeah, i'm a bitch underneath all the sugary sweetness.

i know in the end, all bitchy scheming aside, i won't let it happen. i mean it's disturbing me just thinking about it. it's too cruel to do that to either of them. C may be a cunt but i don't want to hurt him. and rockstarboy, he's a mentally unstable weirdo who thinks he's in love with me and i couldn't just use him to get back at C.

there goes my whole i'm a cold hearted bitch persona.

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