ok so in my last entry i got a little girly. and i said that i wasn't going to mention C for a while. but i lied.

i saw him last night. for some reason i was inspired to tell him exactly how i felt. so i did. it was very hard and probably not the best thing to do in the middle of a packed bar but if i didn't do it right then and there i would never have got it off my chest. so i bit the bullet and was shot down in flames. nah not really.

i told him pretty much exactly what i wrote yesterday:

• do not fuck with my head.


• do not tell me you miss me.


• do not say you love me.


• do not tell me you are not happy with the decisions you have made.


• do not tell me that other girls aren't as beautiful as i am.


• do not tell me that you did me a favour.


• do not tell me what i need or want.


• do not fuck with other girls feelings to make yourself feel like a big man.


• be the good man that i know you are.

i also straight up told him (what he already knew) that if he hadn't dumped me we would still be together.i told him that if we have any chance of maintaining a friendship he needed to act like my friend.

difficult i know. but necessary.

so now he knows 100% how i feel. so the ball is in his court, he can go a number of ways. one being, adhere to my rules and maintain a friendship. two, keep acting the way he is until i am so hurt that i can never speak to him again, or three, some talk of a reconciliation. i'm open to one and three.

i feel a bit better about it all now. i know that i have done everything i can, i have now told him exactly how i feel and there's nothing more that i can do.

ok that's it. no more C talk. EVER! i know that's not possible. and setting these limits on myself will just make me more inclined to break them. because as we all know i'm a rebel. and i'll never be any good.

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