rockstarboy has been harrassing me again.
i must admit that i like the fact that he pays me so much attention. i like the fact that he says he thinks about me all the time, even though i know it's bullshit. it's a huge boost to my self esteem. but sometimes it just goes so over the top i don't know how to handle it.
i saw him a couple of weeks ago. i went with S to see rockstarboy's band play in the city. the only thing i can recall about the set was that one song was so loud i seriously thought my eardrums would burst. i looked around the room and some people were covering their ears, yeah, um... good times.
anyway i was speaking to him yesterday and he asked me why i was acting so weird around him. i was not. he wouldn't look me in the eye and was generally quite rude towards me, so i didn't bother with him. then yesterday we speak and he tells me that he could feel the sexual tension between us from the stage. he is so full of himself. if he feels something like that while on stage why didn't he notice that S and i were so bored that we began discussing the wallpaper which made the walls look corregated. yes, his band is just that good.
speak of the devil... rockstarboy has just interrupted me on msn. now i've lost my train of thought.
--------ugh! he makes me so angry! he has no idea what he's talking about, and he comes out with all this horrible stuff to say. i just told him to fuck off and signed out. i don't care anymore.
he told me that he was gonna kill himself. i said i don't wanna know about it. then he just hurls abuse at me. resulting in him abusing me about how i didn't tell him about the brain tumour. he had to find out from S. well that's a lie. granted i didn't call him, but after the operation my brain was so out of whack it took me like ten minutes to string a single sentence together. so i emailed him.
i think that's fair enough.
and then he wanted to know why S knew before him. jesus... is he serious? C and S live together. C at that time was my boyfriend. so he obviously knew. and must have told S. oh my god! what a shocking revelation.
it's ridiculous. i can't believe i'm so worked up over it. ok, so i'm not the type of friend that calls everyday, maybe i could be a better friend sometimes but if he was so devastated by my illness why didn't he come and visit me? i know he hates everyone and everything about the area i live in, the area that he grew up in, and he always says that he'll never come back here... but if someone you are supposed to love and care about is diagnosed with a terminal disease wouldn't you make the effort to see them? i would and i'm a lazy mother fucker.
he's a selfish drama queen. and now that i've been writing this for a little while i'm starting to think... is he that stupid? would he actually kill himself? he's been talking about killing himself for as long as i've known him. and i studied psychology at uni so i know that the statistics of people who talk about it actually going through with it are quite low. the ones that really want to, don't talk about it they just do it.
it's frustrating. this guy is an attention seeking drama queen and i know it, yet i can't help but be a little concerned.
god i suck.
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