we've got relatives from the uk staying with us. i don't mind them, i don't really know them. but the guest room is in my end of the house, and i feel very put out. i know that's horrible and i wish i could change the way i felt. i try sitting and talking to them, i watch tv with them, i show them photos, all the things that you do when it's been ten years since you saw them last. but i have this thing with having my space. i've had half the house to myself since cameron moved out and i'm uncomfortable when people are down my end. and it's not these people exclusively... i can't stand it when cameron comes home, or even when my parents use the bathroom or anything like that. i'm crazy. i know.

so late at night when i'd normally be watching tv or on the computer i shut myself in my bedroom and rummage through all my crap. i came across my masses of hand written diaries that i've kept since i was around fifteen. and i began writing in them again. for the past few years my writing has been sporadic to say the least. mainly due to having online diaries.

after reading through some entries i have to say nothing has really changed in the past 10 or so years. that's sad. i used to write about boys and going out and drinking and work. hmmm..... what do i write about here? i mean obviously the details are different but generally it's the same old shit. i still know all the people that i used to write about. *sigh*

i started my course. it's a diploma of counselling and communication. i didn't realise there would be so much work. i'm not really a student that actually studies but more a student that just hands in the required assessment tasks and is happy just to scrape through without gaining any real knowledge. i can sense that i won't be able to coast so easily through this. i'm a little concerned. but i'm glad i chose this course, even if it doesn't lead into any sort of employment hopefully i'll gain better skills in communicating with people. maybe become a little more confident. i don't know, but it will be another bit of paper that i can add to my collection. i have so many certificates for random things you would think i'd be qualified for something. but no.

cameron will be home this weekend. another person who will intrude in my space. i've turned his bedroom into my walk in wardrobe and sewing room. should be a nice surprise for him. he's still got a bed in there, so he can't complain. hopefully he'll entertain me for the couple of weeks he's around. more likely he'll just piss me off.

oh and a side note, totally unrelated to anything, i went to see my oncologist. obviously the fact that it's a side note means that there is still a hole in my brain where the tumour used to be. so that's good news. what was a little disturbing was how... overjoyed? my doctor seemed with the result. it was almost as if he was expecting something else. i guess his job must really suck. he's a neuro-oncologist who only deals with patients with aggressive type tumours that are more than likely going to kill them in the end. can you imagine that? talk about a sucky job.

You Are 32% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

hmmm... cool

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