i'm destined to never get a decent nights sleep.

i didn't go out last night. i was too tired and hungover from friday. one of the side effects of chemotherapy can be insomnia, and while i manage to fall asleep eventually it usually takes a few hours for me to get to sleep. the average time it takes people to fall asleep is between seven and fifteen minutes. anyway so i was completely knackered last night and found myself falling asleep just after midnight. yay!

i was rudely awakened at 3am by a text message. it was from rockstarboy. the message said "oh how i love you, forever and a night." weird huh? i didn't respond, thinking that he was bored and was just randomly texting people. i fall back asleep. at 3:30am i'm awakened to the sound of my phone ringing. usually when i'm in bed i don't answer my phone but it was right next to my head and it was annoying me, and i thought to myself that when he realises that he's woken me up he'll apologise and call me back at a decent hour. silly me.

so i answer. it's rockstarboy and he doesn't really have anything to say. this is a new thing for rockstarboy, he's the only man i know, that can talk on the phone for hours without a break. i'm not a big talker.

i manage to get out of him some details about his life and why he's calling me. he's finally getting help for his alcoholism. good. he has told his mum and sister to never speak to him again. bad. he played a gig last night with his new band. good. he confesses his undying love for me. bad.

blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada... an hour and a half later, i say that i really need to get some sleep. he agrees to get off the phone but says he's gonna text me something. i say bye and switch my phone off. so it's afer five in the morning the birds are singing the suns coming up and i'm wide awake. damn you rockstarboy! so i managed to fall asleep around 8am.

i get out of bed at midday and turn on my phone, there's three messages all from rockstarboy. one of them said basically that now c and i aren't together there may be a chance for us. um... no. one said that i was the most beautiful person in the world and he will love me forever. um... ok?. and the other said that he would like to catch up soon.

why do i attract alcoholics and mentally unstable men?

why can't i meet a nice guy with a job, who's sane and not an alcoholic... and just good to me? i'm not asking for much. i just require the basics.

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