the sun is not my friend. i hate the sun and the sun hates me. i went to the big day out on sunday and i got a tad burnt. i am currently sporting a red nose that would definitely put rudolph out of a job. it hurts like hell.

it was a big day, it definitely lives up to it's name. i'll be wrecked for the rest of the week.

i went with C. that was a bad idea. i really really need to stop seeing him. we caught the train into the city. i like taking the train. it's stress free. C on the other hand says it's boring... that he'd rather sit in traffic than on the train. seeing as he doesn't have a license at the moment he had no choice. we were having a great day, drinking beer, watching awesome bands like muse and tool, having a laugh with lots of random people and then he goes and puts a downer on my whole day by saying that his non-girlfriend is coming to pick us up. i told him that he could go with her but i couldn't. i just can't stand the thought of them together. stupid i know. but that's just the way it is. we have an argument about how he doesn't want me to catch the train by myself in the middle of the night and why i don't want to get a lift with his 'friend'. blah blah blah... i think about it rationally for a brief moment and decide that i'm tired, sunburnt, a little drunk and probably not in the best shape to be traveling alone on a train. so i get a ride with her. it was painful. hearing them talk about stuff they had done together and friends that i don't know and it all just really made me feel like shit.

i don't know why i do this to myself. i know that C is being selfish. he tells me one thing and then does another. he tells me what i want to hear but never goes through with any of it. and i keep getting sucked in. he knows how i feel and yet he chooses to hurt me over and over again. i know he's full of shit. that if he really cared, he wouldn't do what he's doing. but i can't help it. it's a cliche, my head knows that it's all shit but my heart just won't listen. oh god. how drama-queenie of me.

i move in two weeks. maybe not seeing him every week will help me get over the fucking bastard.

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