so i could write about the important issues like the fact that half the state of victoria is burning with no relief from a cool change until tomorrow. i could write about the smoke that is blanketing almost the entire state. i could write about the people i know who live near where the fires are burning facing being evacuated from their homes. but i'm not. i'm gonna write about what a dick i made of myself last night. it is MY diary after all.

so like the drunken rant i wrote this morning at the ungodly hour of 5am i saw C. and his new girlfriend. who i must say has to be the nicest girl on earth because she sure as hell doesn't have the looks. i'm just gonna rehash some stuff that i wrote this morning. of course i told C that i didn't want to meet her. i'm sad to say that i haven't moved on. as much as i try, i can't help it. and i possibly told him i was jealous. and that i loved him. don't be mistaken, it wasn't like some pathetic crying i love you. it was only brought on by the fact that i said to C that until i have a new man in my life i don't think i can deal with C's lady friends. and then i added that i probably wouldn't find a man anytime soon. and he asked why. so i said it. i mean i think that is part of the reason why i haven't met anyone. it could also be that when i do meet someone they turn out to be a complete wanker. but you get that. gotta sort through the hundreds of wankers to find a half decent one. it's quite time consuming.

it's hot.

and i don't know why he does it but he tends to talk like he doesn't even like the girls he's with. i don't buy it. why would he bother if he really felt that they were annoying and psycho and stupid and all the other words he uses to describe them. makes me wonder what words he uses to describe me to them.

i did get something positive out of last night though. i was standing around looking like the loner i am and these two guys come up to me and start hitting on me. well me being the polite person i am just can't walk away and be rude so i chat with them a little. one of them buggers off to get drinks and the other one starts getting closer and closer. he's talking shit like there's no tomorrow and starts rubbing up against me. all the while i'm just smiling and nodding. then he goes to kiss me and thats when i put a stop to it. i'm so over the drunken snog with a stranger. i haven't done that for a long time and unless it's new years eve (where it is mandatory) it's not gonna happen. shortly after that the guy wandered away to find someone that would meet his wishes. so i turn around scanning the room for JC or S and who's standing not a metre away right behind me but C. he called me over and asked me if i knew the guy. he asked me what he said and what he did. he told me he saw him rubbing up against me and try to kiss me and the he 'didn't like it'. ok so it's not the same as me having a boyfriend making him jealous but it's a start.

as for the 'talk' he wants to have with me, i don't think it will happen. maybe it needs to happen though. i need something to get over him. everytime i feel like i'm almost at the top of the hill, hoping to move on to greener pastures i stumble and slide back a few steps. last night was a major fall. but life goes on.

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