i am so pathetic.

i am obviously obsessed with thinking that c is seeing someone else. i dreamt last night that i went to his house to drop off his things and i was greeted by a girl coming out of his bedroom.

i guess to overcome this irrational jealousy that causes these sorts of dreams, i am going to have to ask c if he is seeing anyone. even if he is, i'm sure he'll have the sense to lie to me and say no, thus alleviating my jealousy and allowing me to go back to a dreamless sleep. i know, everyone dreams, i just don't normally remember them. i want that back.

i've never had a long term relationship before c, i don't know if i'm being irrational or if this is a normal reaction.

i hate being jealous.

i have a goal. i want to be over writing about c by next week. i mean, of course he'll come up in random entries but i don't want to be obsessing over the dissolution of our relationship. so hopefully something else more tragic or exciting will happen in the following week and i'll be able to place my focus on something else.

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