i'm such a fuckwit.

last night i went out with j and jc. never a good idea. i mean i like a drink but these girls take their drinking very seriously. so i end up absolutely slaughtered, i was obviously drunk, slurring my words and stumbling and usually when i'm drunk i'm pretty coherent.

i saw c. he seemed happy. of course he's happy, he's got all the friends that used to be 'ours'. i mean everyone has said that they're still my friend and we can still hang out, but c's the life of the party, and i'm a sarcastic wallflower, who would you choose?

i'm bored.

fuck c.

so i got so drunk that i didn't think i'd be able to drive home. i decided to message c because his house is walking distance from the bar. i asked him if i could stay on the couch. i got no response. so i sent another message telling him to forget about the previous message, that i'll sober up before heading home. then i proceeded to drink more.

so i can't remember driving home. that's very unlike me, breaking up with c has changed me, well at least for now. i never drink and drive.

so i just sent him another message apologising for the messages last night... it doesn't require a response but personally if i received that message i would reply with, at the very least, 'don't worry about it'. but again i have had no response. i don't want to be the psychotic ex-girlfriend but fuck it annoys me. i just want to call him and say 'how hard is it to reply to a text message?'

i have a feeling he's already seeing someone else... and i have to say that it bothers me. it bothers me more than i want to admit. i hope i'm wrong. not that i don't want him to move on, but it's only been a week, i mean c'mon!

everyone always said that i was too good for c, so why do i feel like the loser?

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