it's weird not being with c.

i spoke to him pretty much every day for five years. now i can't. in time we'll be able to be good friends, but at the moment we have to have some distance between us.

i'm bored.

fuck c.

fuck me.

so s warned me that rockstarboy would be calling me all the time now that c and i are over. i kinda thought that would be the case, every time we spoke in the past he always talked about how our time would come. i told him if he got a job it would significantly improve his chances with me. he's still unemployed, wannabe rockstar is not a paying job. i'm still not interested.

the problem with c and i was that he hadn't matured any in the five years we were together. all his money was spent on beer and cigarettes, there were no plans for the future, and while that was fine at 20, i kinda expected by 25 he would have started thinking about the possibility of a future together. but no. thus the end of our relationship.

i'm a great girlfriend. i'm very laid back, i like my own space, i'm not jealous or possessive or obsessed. i don't nag. i'm hot... and modest too. c will never get another girl like me and he knows it.

i think the whole cancer thing was hard for him to deal with. i couldn't ever say 'cancer' in front of him. he was in complete denial about it. he was probably just waiting for a certain amount of time to pass after the diagnosis, so it wouldn't seem like he was ditching his sick girlfriend. i don't mind if that's the reason. it's been hard on everyone, not really for me though. everyone feels so helpless, but i'm going through it and i know i feel fine and strong and healthy and all the things that tell me i'm gonna get through this. i believe people think i'm just saying it to get off the subject. i'm not. i'm fine and dandy.

got off topic a bit there... i'm done.

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